Things can get pretty intense on an inpatient psychiatric unit. Particularly in the spring when people get more revved up and we tend to see more symptoms of mania.
To keep things in perspective, we try to use humor (it’s a MATURE defense mechanism, just ask Anna Freud) to diffuse our frustration and anger.
Here’s some of my favorite jokes (click HERE to go to the website):
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I’m never alone.
Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you!
Hypochondria is the only illness that I don’t have.
I’ve always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I’d eat my M&M’s one by one with a glass of water.
What jokes have you come across that really get you laughing?
EDIT: May I just add that this is NOT intended to offend anyone. Actually, I’d probably be dialing #1 repeatedly myself. And I am VERY indecisive…I think. 😉