Mental Health Monday–Gotta Have a Sense of Humor


Things can get pretty intense on an inpatient psychiatric unit. Particularly in the spring when people get more revved up and we tend to see more symptoms of mania.

To keep things in perspective, we try to use humor (it’s a MATURE defense mechanism, just ask Anna Freud) to diffuse our frustration and anger.

Here’s some of my favorite jokes (click HERE to go to the website):

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I’m never alone.

Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you!

Hypochondria is the only illness that I don’t have.

I’ve always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I’d eat my M&M’s one by one with a glass of water.

What jokes have you come across that really get you laughing?

EDIT: May I just add that this is NOT intended to offend anyone. Actually, I’d probably be dialing #1 repeatedly myself. And I am VERY indecisive…I think. 😉

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18 comments on “Mental Health Monday–Gotta Have a Sense of Humor

  1. kendallgrey says:

    I don’t have any good jokes, but yours made me smile. The hotline was awesome! 🙂

  2. I love the automated operator! I can totally hear her voice.

  3. roguemutt says:

    I’m sure there has to be a joke somewhere about a priest and a rabbi walking into a mental hospital.

  4. Lydia K says:

    Okay, those are pretty funny!

  5. Linda Gray says:

    Hahaha! Thank you for my Monday morning laugh. I LOVE the psychiatric hotline, and can relate! 🙂 Here’s something I love for a (dark) laugh: it’s a short video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34z5dCmC4M

  6. Not offended! Loved them!

  7. Like the one about being depressed!

  8. Vicki Tremper says:

    Love this. I may have experienced a bit of all of these at one time or another. Yikes. Thanks for the laugh!

  9. LOL – I’d be dialing #1, too.

  10. Stephanie says:

    LOL. One of my favorite movie quotes (though the movie itself is not terribly great) is “I’m a paranoid schizophrenic, I’m my own entourage!” from oh dear I can’t recall the name of the movie. John Cusack and Julia Roberts are in it though.

  11. aparnanairphotography says:

    Ah, so true!! Humor is key (I would say, to our line of work, but to life in general as well!). Great post!

  12. Those jokes are both LOL and groan material. 😉

  13. I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking or eating when I read these. I LOVED the phone one. Those messages normally drive me insane. In Canada, we also have to pick it we want the messages in French or English.

  14. “If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.” LOL Yep. That’s my OCD daughter. Not offended. You made me laugh! 🙂

  15. These are hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. =D

  16. Lynn Rush says:

    Oh my word. This is so funny. Amanda, that please press 1 repeatedly is SUPER FUNNY! **ROTFLOL**

  17. I LOVE the Mental Health Hotline xD
    They kind of all made me smile 🙂

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