Logline Blogfest!


I know, I know, TWO posts on ONE day? But this one’s pretty neat. Check out Steena Holmes blog, Chocolate Reality, for the deets. Bottom line, post your logline, check out and comment on the other participants and you could win a query critique or a critique of the first 5-10 pages of your manuscript by none other than Michelle McClean!

Seriously, I couldn’t pass this up.

So, my logline:

A genetic mutation makes seventeen-year-old Justin Talent an outcast—it also makes his anemic blood a drug that can kill his sister’s murderer.

Operation Awesome also has a super cool Mystery Agent Contest. So get your one line pitches ready and go check it out! 😀

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29 comments on “Logline Blogfest!

  1. Sounds pretty cool! I’ll have to give it a try.

    Good luck! And thanks for sharing.

  2. This does sound interesting. I hear the conflict. Nice.

  3. Sounds like a great concept. I love stories of revenge. I think you might need to clarify what the mc’s goal are, the conflict, and the stakes. But the idea is there. Good luck!

  4. vtremp says:

    Hey Laura,

    I’m glad you joined in!

    Is the inciting event the genetic mutation or his sister’s death – I’d say her death. Justin’s goal is to avenge her death, right? What’s the conflict – what’s keeping him from that goal (something to do with his blood, maybe)? And what are the stakes – what happens if he doesn’t avenge her death?

    This logline doesn’t really capture your plot, although it does capture a reader’s attention.

    I think I’d start with “Anemic outcast Justin Talent…” and go from there.

    Good luck!
    Vicki
    http://www.vbtremper.wordpress.com

  5. I LOVE your logline!!! I’m a major fan of loglines. When I was querying, I started out every query letter with the logline. I think they help hook the bleary-eyed query reader! I would DEFINITELY be interested is reading the rest of a query that started with your logline. Kudos!!! 🙂

  6. Vicki Rocho says:

    (not reading anyone else’s comment so I won’t be influenced)

    Nice set-up. I get a sense of the conflict in just a few words. I think I’d change “a drug” to ” a toxin”

    Something like:

    …makes his anemic blood a toxin to his sister’s murderer.

    or

    …makes his anemic blood lethal to his sister’s murderer.

    the reader can’t help but wonder WHY…who is the murderer and is he likely to be exposed to Justin’s blood?

  7. Paul Greci says:

    Cool idea for a story!! Wow!

  8. Brenda Drake says:

    Great story, Laura. Good luck with the contest! 😀

  9. I like this but it leaves me with questions. What is the dilemma here, what is the problem? Focus on that, and it’ll give your logline even more pull.

  10. Steena says:

    Thanks for joining the blogfest 😉

    I like the premise, but I think you could expand. You have room, so use it to your advantage 🙂 Does he know who the killer is? how so? why does he want the killer dead (other than the obvious?) what is at stake here? why is it an issue for him to be an outcast? expand on those things and you have a killer logline (LOL).

  11. I’ve seen the full query in AICP. I think this is really good. We know he’s motives. You just need to get the conflict in. 😀

  12. Oh this is so cool! I really want to read more…nicely done!

  13. I agree with Steena and Stina.

    I needed more. A great premise, but for me it needs a bit more.

    Michael

  14. I like the premise of your story, but I don’t think you’ve captured enough of the conflict here. Why was Jason’s sister murdered? Did it have something to do with his mutation? Is the murderer threatening other people? Is Jason’s blood the only thing that can save them? If you can answer any or all these questions with a resounding YES! Then you may consider adding them to your logline. Just my curbside. I hope this helps.

  15. Hi, you’ve got some great suggestions already. I really like this 🙂 What about changing “drug” to “weapon”???

    Good luck with your edits 😉

    Rach

  16. Oooo good one! Thanks for the shout out 🙂

  17. Abby Annis says:

    Your story sounds really cool! Great job on the logline!

    I have something awesome for you on my blog. You might want to check it out. 🙂

  18. lbdiamond says:

    I’m lovin’ the feedback, gang. I have lots to ponder! Thanks! 😀

  19. Bekah says:

    I think this is totally perfect for a logline. LOVE IT!!!

  20. Great logline! I want to read that.

  21. Marieke says:

    Ehm, yeah. I kinda have nothing to add. I want to read this!

  22. Jackee says:

    Great tension, Laura! I like where the logline is taking the story.

    Thanks for the links!

  23. Erica says:

    I’m curious about her death, can you give more on that? But the fact that I’m interested is the point right? : )

  24. CD Coffelt says:

    I feel you could provide more information! This leaves me wanting more…kinda like One M&M or One spoonful of double-chocolate fudge ice cream!

    You could push your word count up to thirty or forty and see if a teeny bit more info would increase the interest.

  25. Margay says:

    That is a great summary!

    Margay

  26. roh morgon says:

    Wow – I could’ve sworn I’d already commented on this last night! I recall typing it!

    Anyhow, I really like the premise of this story. The logline is good, but the question it raises in my head is:

    What is it about the murderer that makes him/her susceptible to harm from Justus’ blood?

    Give us a little more on the murderer, even a one-word description, and I think this logline will rock.

  27. lbdiamond says:

    These are great comments! Thanks so much! I’m actually going to restructure the plot and do a rewrite of the MS, so I’m sure the logline will be adjusted accordingly when the time comes. 😉

  28. Najela says:

    The premise sounds interesting, but I want to know what genetic mutation he has and how he found out that his blood can kill his sister’s murderer. Great concept.

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