Hey, gang! This week, Lydia takes the driver’s seat and discusses her writerly rituals!
**********CONFESSION ALERT!!! TURN AWAY IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ AND DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU***********
Sometimes I wanna quit. Yeah. I do.
Because if I really admit it to myself and face the worry that grumbles in the back of my mind, I don’t believe I’ll EVER get published.
That’s right. I can’t envision getting past all the road blocks, over all the hurdles, through all the hoops it takes to actually hold my finished, agent and editor approved, book cover arted, publishing house funded, FANTASTIC manuscript. I just can’t. It doesn’t exist.
And it’s hard to think it ever will.
Listen, I’ve come across the whole, “oh man this is too hard for me” feeling before. And for whatever reason, I ignored it. I pushed on. I got some beta feedback that led to a break through. Every time. Miraculously.
But even with that renewed vigor, that growth in skill, I STILL don’t believe I’ll ever be published.
Well, being “published” is for other people. For writers. For creative people who can weave a tension-filled, memorable story.
I don’t do those things. I string sentences together, hoping they’ll add up to some…
And yet, even as I draft this post, I want to hit the delete key. I want to erase the finality of this confession. If I put down the pen (or close the Word document), then I’m closing the door to the past two years of turmoil, excitement, disappointment, enlightenment, angst, joy, frustration, and elation.
I don’t know what to say.
I could turn this around and tell you all the reasons why I’m still hopeful that it WILL happen. That one day I’ll have that one final break through and see a payoff to my work. (Namely, having an agent “fall in love” with my MS.)
But I can’t. Because I don’t believe it.
Oddly (or maybe encouragingly), others do. So, I’m going to link to their posts.
- Maggie Stiefvater: Death by Ham: Playing the Odds of Getting Published
- Miss Snark’s First Victim: Friday Fricasee and “Stopping Point Syndrome”
After reading these, maybe you’re wondering if I REALLY am going to quit .
Nope. Not yet. (Don’t ask me why, cuz I got no freakin’ clue.)