Logline Blogfest!


Hey gang! Bryan, author of the Time Guardian Blog and the Time Guardian Saga series is hosting a blogfest on loglines! Of course, in my fashion, I’m coming to this late and just cutting under the wire, LOL!

So, without further ado, I’m offering versions of my logline (my one sentence hook for DARK PRIDE) for your comments. Truth be told, I’m not officially sold on any of ’em, so I’m really looking for honest, constructive feedback.

  1. When sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone discovers her missing father is still alive, she not only has to follow the clues to find him, but she has to develop her shapeshifting abilities in the process to save both their lives.
  2. When a mentor for all things shapeshifting arrives in the form of handsome and evasive Xavian, sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone must learn how to manage her skills and figure out how to find her father before he’s killed.
  3. Sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone is the only one who knows her father is still alive until hottie Xavian confirms her beliefs—by teaching her how to shapeshift and how she can use her ability to save him.
  4. Shapeshifting into a cat is the furthest thing on sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone’s mind because she needs to save her missing father before his rival kills him and adopts her into the pride.
  5. After sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone’s father goes missing, Nickie is left to navigate the world of feline shapeshifters on her own to save him.

Yeah, so any of these make sense? Are ya drawn in to read more, or just utterly confused?

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10 comments on “Logline Blogfest!

  1. I like #5 best, but it needs a little spice. 🙂

  2. amie borst says:

    i like #4 the best, it seems to be the one that gives us the best taste of her “voice”…. but i would work on the second half of the line….give us a little more about the “rival”…sounds like he might another shape shifter by the “adopts her into his pride” statement…but what’s his vandetta? why does he want her in his pride? you obviously shouldn’t answer all these questions, but just give us a bit more. i need to know the stakes!

  3. amie borst says:

    Shapeshifting into a cat is the furthest thing on sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone’s mind after her _____ father goes missing, kidnapped by ______ who not only intends on_________ but also adopting Nickie into his pride.

    does that help?

  4. Violet says:

    LBD-

    I like #1. I think it’s totally intriguing and leaves me wanting MORE. Great job!

  5. I think #1 is the clearest. For me, the way #3 and #4 were worded didn’t quite flow well. How does Xavian teaching Nickie about shapeshifting confirm her beliefs about her father? The “because” in #4 suggests a causality I don’t quite see either.

  6. I like #1 the best – but want a *teensy* bit more specificity and, like Deb, want a bit more spice 😀 Great work!! (There’s a reason I didn’t do the logline blogfest – those suckers are HARD!! Kudos on yours!!)

  7. Sangu says:

    I think they all make sense in their own ways, but my favourite is the second one because it sets up stakes, world and throws in a potential love interest!

  8. Lydia Kang says:

    I like #1 the best–it leads you from one problem to the next but it needs a touch of voice.

    I didn’t do the blogfest. I’m totally unable to do loglines right now! And you wrote 5! Geez!

  9. Thanks for all your input! Looks like #1 is the fav…let’s see if I can voice it up! 😉

  10. Lovy Boheme says:

    I was with you up until number five. I thought she had the Xavian guy to help her…no?

    I also like number one the best. 🙂

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