I often hear writers liken their characters to imaginary friends. Heck I do it too.
What’s interesting to me is that imaginary friends during childhood are quite normal. It’s a phase of development where the child is learning creativity and how to integrate their personality.
But what about imaginary friends in adults?
I’m not talking about our characters. I’m talking about adults who actually have imaginary friends. There’s not a lot of research on this (can you imagine getting a sample of people who’d be willing to share such information?), but the studies that are out there seem to link imaginary friends with dissociative identity disorder (aka multiple personality disorder). This disorder occurs when a child faces severe neglect and abuse (sexual or physical) and the only defense they have is to “fragment” their personality. Doing this compartmentalizes the trauma away as a means to protect the self.
As adults, people with DID note missing periods of time, the feeling that other people are inside them and these other people can take control, and they can hear voices (generally inside their head).
Another theory of imaginary friends in adults comes from attachment theory. Some kids (maybe single children or neglected children, for example) don’t get enough emotional nourishment and develop imaginary friends as a support system.
Interesting, huh?
Don’t forget to check out Lydia’s Medical Monday and Sarah Fine’s The Strangest Situation.
These posts are for writing purposes ONLY and are NOT to be construed as medical advice or treatment.
I never even considered that an adult might have an imaginary friend, that definitely is something serious to worry about. interesting post!
Worry? What, exactly is worrisome about an adult with an imaginary friend? It’s just an outlet, it’s not harming anyone. I work two jobs and am a completely productive person, and guess what? I have an imaginary friend. Yep, that’s right, I’m 24 years old and I have an imaginary friend, he’s been with me since I was 6 years old. And I am social, I go to work, I make money, I spend money, I eat, I breathe I sleep. He doesn’t cause me any problems and he certainly doesn’t affect anyone else.
I agree with you on that. I am 28 and have an imaginary friend. I think it is fun and refreshing. I have had my imaginary friend since 2006. I didn’t have one growing up, so I thought I would create one.
I haven’t heard about imaginary friends in adults before. If it’s normal for children to have imaginary friends, is it a problem when children don’t?
Nope, it’s not a problem at all if kids don’t have an imaginary friend.
I was watching a movie recently called “Paper Man” where Jeff Daniels is a writer who still has his imaginary friend (a superhero called Captain Excellent played by Ryan Reynolds). I’d say that is a little weird for supposedly a grown-up.
I’ll have to check that out!
Sorry, we, I mean I, don’t understand the problem. I, sorry, we, enjoy the company. tee hee
Hahahaha!
I’m no expert in DID and am always suspicious because I think it’s overdiagnosed! I believe it does exist, obviously, but think diagnosticians have to run through the differential carefully before settling on it. Anyway, this post brings up a really fascinating topic–the line between reality and fantasy, and at what point it gets blurred and becomes unhealthy.
Interesting. I never really thought about adults having imaginary friends, but I guess it can happen. Huh.
I always think of Anne of Green Gables and her sad imaginary friend. Luckily, my friends are real! Wait, does a virtual friend count as imaginary? I hope not.
hi dr laura! wow another way interesting post. i was wondering about what dr sarah said on getting it blurred up with fantasy. how could you know the difference. and i got thinking bout stuffed animal friends and i got a couple and lots of adults have them. i know mr coons now real (i think) but for sure i like holding on to him when im sick or not feeling good or when i go at my bed. am i too old for that. is it the same as a imaginary friend?
…hugs from lenny
I have stuffed animal friends too, Lenny. It’s all good. And they’re especially helpful when I feel sick.
I think it’s not the same as an imaginary friend, but it goes along with the theme of creativity and human nature of wanting to be connected and social beings.
This is kindle for the flame of my imagination!
Although I know it’s entirely different, when I first went deaf I suffered from auditory hallucinations(still do on occasion). I would swear I heard someone talking in another room or music. In the end I learned it was simply
my mind recalling sounds and voices – noise memory.
Yes, I did think for a while there I was losing my mind. (Hugs)Indigo
How frightening it must be to feel that way, and to think you have to hide your truth or be labeled (or discovered) as mentally ill. It’s fascinating that we revere imaginativeness (is that a word?:-)), the more extreme the better as long as it’s well-done, and as writers we push ourselves to our limits to achieve it. How close to the edge do we get, I wonder?
It is interesting. I’m glad all my friends are real ones.
Wow… I haven’t heard of this being an actual “condition”. Your medical mondays are always full of new things for me. Happy monday.
My mom has lots of imaginary friends. I can’t keep track of them all. But she sets tea out for them and talks to them and laughs with them. I hope it doesn’t happen with me as I get older. She belongs in a nursing home but isn’t in one yet as my dad wants to take care of her. But there are lots of people just like her in nursing homes. I go into them all the time for my job and see old people talking to folks who aren’t there. If you don’t believe me, go into a nursing home sometime.
Hey Mike! I like setting out a tea cup for a “missing” person. I learned that from my aunt. I think it helps us to focus our thoughts on that person.
As for imaginary friends, I find them when I am journal writing. Try it. Sometimes you want to say something in your journal, like how you feel about a particular person, and you can’t bring yourself to put the words on paper. So, find a character and write down their name, like you are writing a screenplay, and see what your “invented character” has to say about the person you are trying to write about.
I have imaginary friend. I live alone and spend a lot of time alone. But I also have a lot of ‘real’ friends who I’m very close to. However I can only be around them for a small period of time. The rest of the time I live in comfort of my own space in constant ‘company’. I know they’re not real. I also spend all day talking aloud. I was a single child, sent to live with whoever could look after me that month; guardians/ grandparents/ foster family etc. So I assume this method of giving myself ‘company’ has not left me. My psychiatrist knows and doesn’t seem alarmed. He also knows I know there is a horrific woman living inside of my mind. At the moment she is too weak to get out of her blackened room, out of that broken rocking chair. My consciousness of not walking past her doorway at the moment is strong enough to keep me in a healthy place. However, I know she waits for an opportunity to snatch her existence back, and my reality away.
Thanks for the very interesting post.
I’m guess I’m glad my characters don’t count as imaginary friends.
I disagree here.
Agatha Christie and the Brontes all had imaginary friends AS ADULTS.
And I have one. I may not tell a lot of people about it because they’ll think I’m crazy but I think it helps me when I’m stressed with the real world, it’s someone I can talk to. I wouldn’t give my imaginary friends up for the world.
Oh, and as a side note, these are not characters I’m talking about either. It’s separate.
Thank goodness my kids never had one. Just the thought of it freaks me out.
I didn’t really have imaginary friends when I was a kid, but I did imagine A LOT. I made up people and places and stories…I guess I haven’t changed much
I remember doing a paper on DID in college. It is a fascinating subject. Some of the case studies were heart wrenching, though.
I’m so sorry for my long absence. My hubster added some parental control software, and it blocked like EVERY blog. Yikes. It’s good to be back. I’m going to catch up on a few more posts.
Interesting – I didn’t know some adults had imaginary friends! What an intriguing subject.
This is really interesting. I did have imaginary friends as a child, mostly animals. What can I say, I was odd.
This made me think of the movie The Perfect Host with David Hyde Pierce. Creepy.
I don;t have any imaginary friends. Maybe that’s why I feel all bottled up inside. Sometimes I have to ash myself, “Do you think there’s anything wrong with me?”
My irst thought on adults with imaginary friends was schizophrenia. Didn’t think of DID. It seems weird to think of adults with imaginary friends – unless you count author’s
We’re a whole nuther breed though. Not sure I’d trust a writer who did hear voices or speak to characters who only exist in their mind.
…….dhole
I don’t think having imaginary friends, no matter what age you are, is always sign of mental instability or disorder. In fact, there are so many mundane adults that are lacking in imagination and creativity that they’re almost robotic. Society often devalues those two wonderful traits unless there is some sort of financial gain to be made. No, most human beings would rather mindless follow the rules of conformity, and lash out at any harmless individual who dares to step a toe out of line. Besides, anyone with half a brain should know that being different doesn’t always equal bad or wrong. In short, instant of impulsively slapping on labels like “crazy,” why not just keep your ears and mind open?
Excuse me, I meant “mindlessly” as opposed to “mindless,” and “instead” rather than “instant.”
Sorry for the late comment. Just happened to see this post while searching for adults with imaginary friends. I must say a lot of adults have imaginary friends. The most common one, they call ‘god’. He’s very popular too. Guess more than two thirds of the humanity is mentally ill then. xD
I am 20 and have an imaginary friend. I have had imaginary friends since I was a kid and I think it came about from all the moving which fractured my social life and having a single mom with limited time. Now that I an older and more socially secure it may not be as much of a necessity but I couldn’t imagine letting go of my current imaginary friend, he is a huge part of my life and while I don’t acknowledge him publicly my friends know of him but just think he is a normal friend of mine they haven’t met. That gets a but trying sometimes but idk it just happened. the thing is I have created a whole separate identity for myself a well who I am when I’m with him and in my ‘ imaginary’ social world which is more developed and in depth than id like to admit
I never had imaginary friends as a very young child, but got my first two through a dream when I was 10, and have had many ever since. I am 22 now and have never considered myself to have a disorder or anything but rather I think of them as parts of me. I am aware of all of them and interact with them as I would regular, physical friends. They are such a huge part of my life and have gotten me through so much that I could never imagine sending them away. They are such a large part of me that for other physical people to get to know me on a deep level they really have to meet and get to know all of them. How close a friend is to me can usually be seen by how well they know my people. These people are seperate from my “book characters” that i write about, but over the years I have gotten to know many of them and many times they are more interesting than my book characters and so I plan to write novels on them. I also use writing to document things that I learn about my people, and in this way they are very much like characters, but they do not dissapear out of my life when I close the book, or computer. They are with me every day and are the different facets of myself expressed through different personas each with different pasts and lives. They help me to understand myself and they are me.
I have never been able to find a truely accurate classification for them because they are much more than an “imaginary friend”, different from just a “character”, and they do not seem to be threatening my health in any way (they are often more helpful than harmful) and I am ultimately aware and in control, so I do not see that it could be a clinical “disorder”. It is more of a different lifestyle and way of viewing my “self”. Can you or anyone else relate to this? Or is this just totally radical?
Christina i think you and i have same imaginary kind of friends, i am 21 and still have imaginary friend, though in my case my real friends don’t know about him, i only talk to him in my alone time and neither does he appear in public in my imaginations, i build a whole different world with my imaginary friend and it sometimes feels like i am telling a story about his life. i was brought up in a loving peaceful home and sometimes wonder why i have this imaginary friend and also thought i was crazy but one thing for sure is that crazy people don’t notice that they are crazy and to me i feel that having imaginary friends is a normal thing even in adulthood, as long as you don’t talk to them in public as if you are talking to some one real.
Reading through all the comments that have been made previously i have seen that some people would even share food and so on with their imaginary friends, or even talk out loud with their imaginary friends. come to think of it i realized that we all do have different kind of imaginary friends not that i am trying to offend anyone or so. with my imagery friend i don’t share out food or drinks with him he lives just inside of me i get a different identity when i am with him and i also like spending so much time alone though i have real friends. and mostly i don’t talk out loud with him, he is whole-fully just in my imagination.He is always a kind of comfort zone for me and also gives me my own space like when i am with real friends i can focus on the reality and when i do reality things like studying, working then this imaginary friend gives me space to get on with my real life, but at the end of the day he will be there i will speak to him in my mind only.
Plenty of adults have imaginary friends, they are called religious people. All Christians have an imaginary friend called Jesus, all Muslims have an imaginary friend called Allah, ect ect. For some reason most people don’t just call a spade a spade and acknowledge that religion=imaginary friends because that is “stepping on a sacred cow”.
I don`t know if this is normal or not- I am not an adult, but I am not a child either. I am a teenager, 15 years old. I don`t have any ‘conditions’ or whatever, but I have an imaginary friend. It`s tough because I`m in High School, so it`s a little embaressing, and there is very few people to talk to about it. I have never had any sort of damaging experience- my parents are together, I have wonderful siblings, I`ve never evened moved, I have a ton of awesome friends (only one of whom knows about my imaginary friend) and I generally have no psychological reason to have an imaginary friend. I do like to write a lot, and I plan on being an author someday, but this is not a character. It`s a friend. I`ve looked all over for a place to simply ask these questions and get a simple answer… is it normal for a perfectly happy, healthy person to have an imaginary friend? And… is it okay… for that imaginary friend to be blind?
I have four male imanger friends thes bob and macca and gray and joe! Im 26 years old and have had them since i was 13 I was never abused in anyway or neglect i was picked on from prep to year10 when i dropped out i see myself as normal but i suffer bipolar
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experience.
I don’t think having an imaginary friend is weird at any age, so long as the person knows their companion is imaginary. Myself, I’m 34 and have an imaginary friend named Catherine. Basically, she’s a character from the PS3 video game “Catherine,” except I imagine her with a slightly different personality. I only talk to her at night when I’m going to bed, especially after a tough day with peers or family being jerks. It’s nice to have someone be there for me even if I’m only using my imagination to achieve some inner peace. Really, it’s a coping mechanism and if I had “real” friends I felt comfortable sharing my life with I would do it, but right now I’m not in that position. Plus, as an aspiring writer, I find that imagining scenarios with “Catherine” helps bring out some amusing one-liners or other clever thought I might use in my writing. So imagine – on, people! You’re more interesting than people who don’t.
I never talk about this to anyone else, but I do have imaginary friends until now. I have lots of friends in real life, but there are things that I can only talk to my “friends”. Sometimes, they showed up in my dreams too.